Old Books Hampshire
Does this description make you want to read my book?
Amelia Kane, a 17 year old from Bradford, New Hampshire can't connect with anyone. She sits through school with no friends by her side. People don''t notice her, and she doesn't mind it that way.
A boy with stunning beauty named Bailey Powers moves into the town and enrolls in her privite school. Bailey shows her a place she will shine, the stage.
A book about reaching the almost impossible dream of being a star. Will she make it or will she crack under the pressure of rising to the top?
is that enough? should I add more...
im writing it on this site
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=3992
Before I say anything else, I'd just like to say this is a very nit-picky answer. But I'm sure it's a lovely story, even if what I say sounds kind of harsh. I am expressing my own tips on how to improve, but these tips are in no way professional and you are at liberty to take notice or completely ignore them.
Anyway, on with the review:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Truthfully? No, I wouldn't want to read it, simply because I rarely read books that aren't fantasy, horror or thrillers. But I'm sure they'll be plenty of people who will want to read it.
However, if I did like that type of book, there's still a good chance I wouldn't read it because (truthfully - with no offence meant) the description is kind of bleak, it doesn't really grab my attention because it sounds way to factual.
TIPS FOR WRITING DESCRIPTIONS:
Do you really need to include where she lives? Or even her age? It *could* throw some people off - for instance a 12 year old might think it's too grown up or a 25 year old, too young, if that's the first thing they hear without having a reason to read the book. (eg. They wouldn't care so much if they found out a few pages into the book because they've already invested time into it).
Another thing is the line "A book about" just sounds kind of childish, although that could just be me.
I would rewrite the description to make it more interesting. Maybe you could start with a quote from the novel?
Or maybe just begin it in a less factual manner.
eg. "When Bailey Powers moved into town Amelia Kane thought...."
or "Amelia Kane was happy to go about unnoticed; that was until Bailey Powers moved to town"
I think something like that would grab more people's attention. Then you could go on to say something about how he changed things for her and to show what the story is about, "Now Bailey wants to make her a star" or "When Bailey discovers Amelia's hidden acting (/singing etc) ability it's not long before..."
And then for the end you should add a rhetorical question or two, like you did in the description above; it makes people want to read on.
You might also notice I put a bit more emphasis on Bailey, this is mainly because it could make it slightly more appealing to boys, too.
TIPS FOR WRITING THE STORY
As for the story itself. Your theme is pretty good (aka it's not just another wizard/vampire book) and the plot has lots of potential. However you'll have to be careful not to make it too clichéd.
I'm skimmed through the story. And I must say, I really liked the first chapter, it was a lot different from most books and a good introduction. The next chapter seems kind of rushed but overall it's pretty good, I liked the first 3 paragraphs. But it seems to me that there should be something in between the 4th and the 5th. You could probably do with a bit more description towards the end and there are a couple spelling/grammar mistakes, but overall there isn't a hole lot to improve on.
You might want to consider asking a friend or family member to give their opinion on the story and seeing if there’s anything they think needs adding. But overall it looks like a promising story.
Good luck writing! I'm sure it'll be a great book when it's done!
![]() |
![]() CLAFLIN'S RED BOOK OF RAMBLES IN OLD NEW HAMPSHIRE 1906 US $24.99
|
![]() Land Of Scenic Splendor New Hampshire Old Vintage Book US $19.95
|
![]() old book WARNER FAMILY & House Portsmouth New Hampshire US $11.95
|
![]() Old Picture Travel Book White Mountains New Hampshire Atlantic Post Card Co US $9.99
|
![]() 28 old books NEW HAMPSHIRE history GENEALOGY pioneers settlers famous people US $7.50
|
![]() 4 OLD LAW BOOKS NEW HAMPSHIRE NH FISH & GAME MAINE FISHING MOTOR LAWS HUNTING US $6.00
|
![]() 165 old books NEW HAMPSHIRE history & genealogy NH US $5.18
|
And a selection of products from Amazon
![]() |
Music of Marion Bauer and Ruth Crawford Seeger
List Price: |
![]() |
Yoga for the Rest of Us with Peggy Cappy [VHS]
Sale Price: $23.70 |
DescriptionAt last, a yoga program that anyone can do! Yoga for the Rest of Us will ease you into the world of yoga—whatever your age and ability—and can become your personal at-home yoga trainer. Use it in the morning or at night and discover how easily yoga can be incorporated into your daily routine and how quickly you'll see the benefits for your body and spirit... |
![]() |
Those Daring Young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies (Monte Carlo or Bust) [VHS]
Sale Price: $49.99 |
![]() |
The Three Lives of Thomasina
List Price: |
DescriptionTHREE LIVES OF THOMASINA - DVD Movie |
![]() |
The Poetry of Robert Frost: The Collected Poems, Complete and Unabridged
List Price: |
DescriptionThis is the only comprehensive volume of Robert Frost's published verse; in it are the contents of all eleven of his individual books of poetry-from A Boy's Will (1913) to In the Clearing (1962). The editor, Edward Connery Lathem, has scrupulously annotated the more than 350 poems in this book. |
![]() |
Amos Fortune, Free Man (Newbery Library, Puffin)
List Price: |
DescriptionSummary:?It does a man no good to be free until he learns how to live.? These were the words of Amos Fortune, born the son of a king of the At-mun-shi tribe in Africa. When Amos was only fifteen years old, he was captured by slave traders and brought to Massachusetts, where he was sold at auction... |
![]() |
A Field Guide to Rocks and Minerals (Peterson Field Guides)
List Price: |
DescriptionThe definitive guide to rocks and minerals, completely updated for the fifth edition, includes 385 color photographs showing rocks, minerals, and geologic formations. Hundreds of minerals are described, with details such as geographic formations... |
Apple Variety Devonshire Quarrenden



US $24.99








![Yoga for the Rest of Us with Peggy Cappy [VHS]](http://www.teachwithtechnology.com/media/images/i/516DH8AZWML._SL75_.jpg)
![Those Daring Young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies (Monte Carlo or Bust) [VHS]](http://www.teachwithtechnology.com/media/images/i/51FQEA8WA8L._SL75_.jpg)



